Would you date yourself?

I just read an article with that title, would I date myself? I don't know, I don't really know. I mean I'm a nice guy, I treat women with all the respect in the world. I pay for dinner or movie tickets or whatever. But I do have dark issues. I'm not happy with my life. So, I don't know, some girls tell me I'm a good catch but I don't like those girls, maybe because they're too nice to me. And here we go back to the whole thing about me liking girls that treat me like crap.

My ex apparently is seeing somebody else. That's good because that will finally help me to get over her, her late texts saying I miss you were just killing me softly. I do want to keep in touch with her just because of the crazy things we did and the bond we created.

So, this week, I'll be buying my ticket to Thailand. I can't believe I'm doing this. One way ticket. This is going to be a crazy experience. I've been thinking about ways I can make money when I'm over there and I'm thinking about starting a website. Talking about travel experiences, about everything. Just documenting my day to day living in different countries.

I've been trying to be happy by myself and it's so hard. I hate being alone with my own thoughts and feelings, they scare the fuck out of me. Oh, I also twisted my fucking ankle yesterday at a music festival, so there goes my happiness, working out makes me happy and I'm here with a twisted ankle, oh well, at least it's not broken like the last time.

Thailand...

Moving to Thailand.

I've been considering moving to Thailand, India, Asia pretty much. Well, not really considering, more like I am going to do it.

Should I do it? Should I don't? Fuck it right, let's enjoy life, there's nothing else to it. I don't have anything holding me down here. Packing bags and getting the fuck out of here.

It's 2:13PM and I'm blogging to you guys from a bar. This place has wi-fi and beers so it's amazing. What else do you need in life? Oh, and there's a cute waitress sitting in front of me making conversation to me. I can't tell you guys her name, like I usually don't, but anyways, she's really cute, she thinks she's in love with this guy with twins. Seriously? Fucking seriously? Why would you get trouble? Poop and puke, that's all I can tell you. It repulses me to have kids. I'm just not made for it. Congrats to everybody that can do it but I like to take care of myself.

Oh my god, I like this guy because he has a motorcycle, really? How low can you fucking get in life to appreciate a person because of what he or she owns instead of how that person is? Here we go back to the conditional and unconditional love. Learn to appreciate a person by their soul not by what they have.

Can you fix somebody?

So, here I am. Texas. Fort Worth to be exact. I like it, I love the city. I was supposed to be in College Station but oh well, shit happens right? That's what they say right? Well, how much fucking shit can happen to you? I don't know but I've been getting a lot lately. I'm glad is just like a phrase because if not I would be disgusting by now.

So, here it goes. My girlfriend or ex-girlfriend, I don't even know anymore. We drive from NC to TX, and like I said in my last post it was an awesome roadtrip. I fell in love more and more every minute we spent together. She's the worst co-pilot ever by the way. But alright, I get down here, I was supposed to stay with my cousin in Dallas and then we got in a fight so I ended up with my other cousin in Fort Worth and well, it is what it is but I actually like the place a lot. Not his place, well his place is cool but is a one bedroom apartment so I'm sleeping on a small ass couch. So, well the VA department fucked me over and my school benefits haven't been delivered to the school, so unless somebody can spare a bunch of cash I can't start there right now so I decided to stay here in Fort Worth for a little bit. Well, that happened, then my girlfriend or ex or whatever, yeah she, decided finally that a long distance relationship wasn't going to work. Should've seen that coming but my stupid head was too blinded by love. I still love her to dead, is there something wrong with me? Where's the guy that was an asshole and could get over anybody easy as fuck. Well, karma is a bitch right? Payback. But it could be worse, I could be fat, bald and ugly. And I got a $5 check in the mail, at least I got that going on for me. I applied to a couple jobs around here, so I'm not a broke college student.

I don't know what to type anymore, I don't even know if you guys really read this or just scroll through.

Well fuck it, also, I started seeing a psychologist today, she said I was a hot mess and that she was going to fix me and then that got me thinking: "CAN I BE FUCKING FIXED?"

Also, what do you guys think about conditional and unconditional love? Are people too selfish these days?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you