Awake. Again.

As I was trying to wake up this morning, still drunk from yesterday, I finally understood what a friend was explaining to me the other day. I realized how my mind was trying to fuck me over, realize that I'm not my mind. My mind likes to have these crazy thoughts, deep and bad feelings over me. Making me feel like shit. Then I just said, fuck you, I'm not these feelings, I'm a happy person, or at least I try to be one. You can't control me.

I think we can recount more when we feel sad that when we feel happy or pretend to be happy because it's easier to remember sad moments. Well at least for me. And I don't really think that happiness is something real. It's just a mix of chemical emotions inside yourself that make you feel great and high.

I have to stop drinking so much, I'm just doing really stupid stuff everytime I do it. The party scene is going to kill me slowly. The so many "fuck its" I say and do are just going to end up destroying me, if they're not already doing it.

You're supposed to enjoy the moment, don't regret the past and don't focus in the future but if I don't focus in my future right now, there won't be one later.

Sometimes I think, who am I writing for? For the people I know that reads me? For myself? For my mind? I really think that I just do it for myself, I don't really care who reads me because if I did my writing would change a lot.

What do I need to get my life together? What does it mean getting your life together? Doing what my family wants me to do? Or what I want to do? If so, what do I want to do with my life?

You guys don't have a single clue how hard it's sometimes to press the publish button, I scroll through other pages, think about twice if I want to share this and then I just click it.

Carpe Diem.