Answers.

Last day, last couple hours. I don't even know if I'm coming back or not. Fuck. I feel hungover as shit, stitches are off so I guess that’s good. It’s time to move. Can’t handle this island anymore. It’s becoming just a drinking place, getting wasted everyday. 

It’s not fun when it becomes a lifestyle and it has gotten me a lot of times before. 

I don’t know what to do, where to go. The only thing I know it is that I made a promise and I’m really looking forward to seeing her. Even though it kinda scares me how things will turn out when we see each other. But I’m being positive and really looking forward to it. 

This hangover has been the worst one ever in this travels. Haven’t had one like this in years. Just had the first food of all day. Puking my guts out all day. Laying in bed on the other side already missing so much everybody but have to move forward just like everybody there will. 

Are we supposed to know what we want in life? Why is it so hard to don’t have a direction? Is there supposed to be answers to all this questions? 


Please smile, I always try to even if I feel like shit inside. At least you could make someone's day.


https://www.facebook.com/captainmistakes

Fuck it

Yeah fuck it, decided to open up a little bit more. Still will remain anonymous, it's mostly to don't hurt people.


https://www.facebook.com/captainmistakes

Living in “Paradise”?

So, through my travels now I've decided, well, kinda had to stay in this island in Cambodia, Koh Rong is the name. I’m working in a bar, again, yeah I know. That’s the reason I had to leave Vang Vieng but trust me I was drinking a lot more there than here and here you actually have regular shifts at the bar, you can only have so many drinks so it’s a lot more controlled. I'll be saving some money, living in an island that’s so far by now the most beautiful place I've ever seen, meeting so many people, especially girls. I don’t know, my big question is will this be good? To settle down for some time? I was able to do it at Pai in Thailand but it was different because there’s a lot more stuff to do there so I kept myself busy over there, here there’s not a lot to do but lay on the beach, go swimming and that’s pretty much it unless you want to spend money on boat trips and things like that. Well, yesterday was my first day working so we'll see how it goes after a couple days.

Mushrooms

 Well, I haven’t written anything since like a month or something like that when I was still in Thailand, starting this backpacking trip. Well, now it’s been 2 months travelling and guess what… I haven’t found happiness. I have started to believe that happiness is not real. Is totally a myth of how your body feels?

I'm high on shrooms and it feels amazing.

That’s how I started my post the other day when I first tried mushrooms for the first time. Yesterday I did them as well and it felt amazing. At first I was kinda freaked out but then I just gave up on my feeling to control everything around me and just started enjoying everything. My body, my tact, everything around me. It’s actually pretty cool.

Well, trip update, I’m in northern Sumatra, Indonesia, been travelling here for around 3 weeks and I love this place. Fucking visa is only good here for 1 month and hopefully I can extend it for another one. I’m in Lake Toba right now; amazing place super chill and pretty cool people, well being honest, Indonesian people so far are pretty amazing. Trying to decide where I’m going after here, probably Bali for new years to meet with a friend.

Feelings, how have I been feeling lately? I guess cool, sometimes I think a lot about all the shit back in the states but I think I stopped caring and just letting it flow.

Deuces!

Thailand Update.

Hey everybody!!

It’s been quite a while since I write for you guys but that could just mean 2 things, I’m either dead or I’ve been having a blast. A crazy blast pretty much. This country is fucking nuts. It reminds a lot of Mexico back in the 90’s, you can do anything, get anything you want as long as you have money in your pocket. Viagra, valium, cialis, morphine, any fucking drug you want you can get it. I’m not into anything but if I were I would be a really happy addict here. So my trip started in Bangkok, arrived to the airport and everything seem pretty normal, just a regular airport, of course with a lot, A LOT more Asian people. Took the train and made it to the hostel, as I was walking on the street to the hostel there’s a lot of bars with a lot of Thai girls, this was around 11am by the way, and all of them try to grab you and convince you to come into their bar. I went to the hostel, dropped my bag, took a quick shower and head to get some food and a beer. So there it goes, the lost westerner walking into one of those bars full of Thai girls, one comes and sits next to me, trying to make chat on me and of course she wanted me to buy her a drink, I was like fuck that. Ended up getting horrible food and paying a lot for it, now that I know I could’ve paid a 1/5^th of that for a lot better meal and with no uncomfortable company.

Well, I spent a couple days in Bangkok, had my share of fun with the backpacking girls, then met this cool ass Canadian guy from Quebec and went to an island called Koh Phan Ngan in the gulf of Thailand in the southeast. I spent a couple days there just meeting more people, more backpacking girls, having my share of fun, driving a scooter around the island, seeing beautiful beaches and also bitches haha. There was a full moon party there that it was like spring break in Cancun but 10x better and crazier. Then from there I was supposed to travel with this 3 Dutch girls and one German girl, well the German girl liked me but I liked her Dutch friend and lets just say I’m in another island now with the Dutch girls and no German girl. Kinda fucked up but oh well, you all now I’m not a really nice guy sometimes. So, I’m in Koh Tao now, another island around an hour away from the other one with the Dutch girls and from here I’ll be traveling with the Dutch girl. We’ll see how that goes. 

All I’ve learned from this trip till right now is you have to look for what makes you happy, you, not anybody else and I can say I’m pretty fucking happy right now. Still got some stuff I need to take care of back in the States but honestly I don’t even know if I want to ever comeback, I’m pretty happy here in my bungalow with the ocean outside of my door sleeping next to a pretty Dutch girl.

Oh, she loves sex as much as I do as well.

Here we go....

According to the flying map in the computer I have around 3 hours left till I land in Bangkok, its been a relax and nice trip, first flight to Chicago I just work on filling my IPod with new music, chit chatted with this girl that just graduated from art school and omg, she can draw, she was doing the drawing of a man face and it was amazingly stunning to the eye. Second flight from Chicago to Abu Dhabi was an eye opener, that’s when it hit me that I’m going to a complete totally different place. A lot of Muslims in the plane. Guy sitting next to me was a Muslim from Abu Dhabi and he was pretty cool, had some issues understanding his broken English but I guess that’s how some Americans feel with me.

Oh, here’s the best part of this last couple weeks, I met somebody, yeah, right before I left Fort Worth, bummer right? But that just gives me a reason to come back! She’s 24, loves doing yoga, is working on her masters and she is so beautiful, has an amazing body and a great personality. She’s super shy sometimes but then she opens up and both personalities are amazing. 2 days after knowing her I already told her I love you and she said it back. Do you think you can love somebody in such a short amount of time? I think you can, it’s a different kind of love that the one a couple that have been married for years have but it’s still something coming from the heart. She makes me laugh and smile all day and makes me want to be a better man; I always look for somebody that makes me want to be a better person.

I was originally doing this trip to comeback as a better person just for myself but if I’m a better person there for I should enjoy somebody like that next to me and I think that’s her. Oh people, also, tip for you all, FLY ALWAYS ON ETIHAD AIRWAYS, two words for you… open motherfucking bar. Dewar’s, Red Wine, Heineken, Whiskey, Vodka, 14 hour flight? Let’s put some booze in it and make it a good one haha.

Fear.

I was at the gym the other day and I put this random playlist with the tags: workout and motivation together. And this speech came through, called fear. It got me moving and I've been listening to it on repeat since that day. Fear is the most subtle and destructive of all human diseases. That's the opening line pretty much.

To resume it to you guys is pretty much, fear hold us back. A little example about it, I talked with a bartender yesterday and mentioned to him that I'm going to Thailand next month, that I'm moving over there. He said do it, he said that he wished that when he was my age he would've done it. But that he has normally being a pussy on doing things like that. Now he has a kid that holds him back, even though he told me it's the best thing that has ever happened to him. And it's not that he's a pussy, it's because he's scared of what would happen if he decides to move on and follow his dreams.

A lot of us are scared to follow our dreams, our heart, because of fear, lack of self-esteem, if we are scared of moving to bigger and better we will never find out what will happen.
Some people and friends think that I'm moving to Thailand because I'm running away from my problems, from this broken heart, from her. I'm not. That's all I have to say. I'll actually be better financially and hopefully I will find happiness and peace of mind. I have to learn to be happy with myself, but still at the end of the day we are humans, we're social creatures, we need companionship to survive.

Well, I should be leaving around the 15th.