Fucked myself.

As always I fucked myself over, it has to be the last fucking time. I'm done, done being nice to everybody. Caring about everybody, it's time for me to think about myself and care about myself.
Too fucking generous all the time. Time to focus on myself and on my future. I'm stranded in Thailand with $60USD, what happened to the rest of my money? I blew it, on my stupid addictive personality. I need to learn, I have to learn to stop being addicted to things that are killing me and become addicted to things that I enjoy.

I have to stop being a doormat and letting anybody step on me and I have to stop fucking people over as well. I just feel like a fucking asshole. Yeah, I might be nice to everybody but inside I'm just burning with sadness, rage, loneliness, all kinds of sad emotions.

I like helping people, it satisfies me. On my way back to the hostel today I saw a lost traveller and as I normally like to do I got out of my way to help him. I like doing that but some people just don't appreciate it and I let it just get under my skin. I shouldn't let that happen. I should just let it go and don't let it affect me.

Fuck all I want to do is drink so I don't think about anything anymore. I see why people likes drugs so much, they just block you from your reality.

I have a friend flying in tonight, so I've been trying to surround myself with people that know me more than just a couple of hours. Done with that, done caring about new people, especially when I don't feel the vibe I won't even waste my time in them.


I want to tell you all to smile but normally I smile when I write it and I just feel like crying being honest.

Fuck you all then.

Carpe the fucking diem.

https://www.facebook.com/captainmistakes

Fuck you little William.

Was it a mistake? Or just a life lesson? I prefer to take the second one. I don’t think anything we do is a mistake, I think it’s just a life lesson. Sometimes we repeat it, I’ve repeated the same fucking mistake a thousand times and I still keep doing it. When will I learn from it? Hopefully before it kills me. 

I left the beautiful island of Koh Rong, Cambodia, just for a girl. A girl that I knew for only 5 days and all the time we spent together was a mixture of drugs, alcohol and sex. I left friends for her. Yeah, I’m a cunt. I should’ve never left, but whatever, I’m on my way back now. 

I did learn from this. Learn to stop thinking with my lower head and use more my heart. I thought that I was using my heart in this one but no, after 3, 4 days of being together I should’ve left. But I didn’t and then I met some amazing people so, yeah, bad things, good things, whatever. I’m on my way back to Koh Rong now, with no money in my pocket, back to work at the bar and probably not even able to afford where to sleep so back into the fucking hammock. 

I’ll find a way, I always do. That’s something I’ve always been good at, finding a way around things and how to get myself out of deep shit. Sometimes it’s hurting and affecting other people. Well, sometimes, not really, probably a lot of times, I’d say 50/50. 

Sitting on train right now on my way to Bangkok, my visa expires tomorrow so if I don’t make it out of the country tomorrow I’ll have to pay 500 baht and I don’t think I really have it. 

But oh well, it’s also my fucking fault, I should’ve left 2, 3 days ago but there you go again. Thinking with the lower head. My penis is going to eventually kill me or get me in a really good situation, one of those 2 this motherfucker will do. 

 On the bright side, it’s beautiful as fuck outside, the train is really comfortable, especially comparing to being on the bus and oh, it was cheaper. 

Well, the girl from last night, California girl and also my first “Asian” I would say, she only had an Asian face but oh well, she’s got the heritage so it counts right? Haha. 

She kept telling me that I have the coolest life of all. I don’t really know, I have no job, I’m 25 traveling around South East Asia still and sleeping around with random girls from all over. I’m really picky so at least they’re hot girls. Yeah, I’m an asshole but fuck you it’s my blog and I write whatever I want. 

So fuck my stupid penis, got me in deep shit again. Oh and the fucker got a tantric massage yesterday, still spoiling the little bastard…

And now me and the little fucker just arrive in Bangkok, no hostel, no internet, no money and visa expires tomorrow. This shall be fun.