Breaking hearts, burning bridges, going down. Repeat.

Repeat, repeat. Why am I afraid of letting someone love me? Why when finally somebody cares about me I want to just run away and I get scared.

I need to learn to love myself first before loving or loving somebody else and I'm also scared of sharing everything. I'm scared of opening up.

Yeah, I was so positive about it a couple days ago and now I just want to run away. I'm scared to death being honest. Still, I think it's better to break it off right now than to just pretend nothing is going through my head and make it a lot harder later.

Damn you travels, damn you life but still if life was easy and dull what would be the point of living it?

Life always goes on.

She's going on her way and I don't know what I'm doing. English teacher in Hanoi? Meeting up friends down south? I hate decisions.


Carpe the fucking diem. And smile, please smile.

www.facebook.com/captainmistakes

Living in “Paradise”?

So, through my travels now I've decided, well, kinda had to stay in this island in Cambodia, Koh Rong is the name. I’m working in a bar, again, yeah I know. That’s the reason I had to leave Vang Vieng but trust me I was drinking a lot more there than here and here you actually have regular shifts at the bar, you can only have so many drinks so it’s a lot more controlled. I'll be saving some money, living in an island that’s so far by now the most beautiful place I've ever seen, meeting so many people, especially girls. I don’t know, my big question is will this be good? To settle down for some time? I was able to do it at Pai in Thailand but it was different because there’s a lot more stuff to do there so I kept myself busy over there, here there’s not a lot to do but lay on the beach, go swimming and that’s pretty much it unless you want to spend money on boat trips and things like that. Well, yesterday was my first day working so we'll see how it goes after a couple days.

Mushrooms

 Well, I haven’t written anything since like a month or something like that when I was still in Thailand, starting this backpacking trip. Well, now it’s been 2 months travelling and guess what… I haven’t found happiness. I have started to believe that happiness is not real. Is totally a myth of how your body feels?

I'm high on shrooms and it feels amazing.

That’s how I started my post the other day when I first tried mushrooms for the first time. Yesterday I did them as well and it felt amazing. At first I was kinda freaked out but then I just gave up on my feeling to control everything around me and just started enjoying everything. My body, my tact, everything around me. It’s actually pretty cool.

Well, trip update, I’m in northern Sumatra, Indonesia, been travelling here for around 3 weeks and I love this place. Fucking visa is only good here for 1 month and hopefully I can extend it for another one. I’m in Lake Toba right now; amazing place super chill and pretty cool people, well being honest, Indonesian people so far are pretty amazing. Trying to decide where I’m going after here, probably Bali for new years to meet with a friend.

Feelings, how have I been feeling lately? I guess cool, sometimes I think a lot about all the shit back in the states but I think I stopped caring and just letting it flow.

Deuces!