Am I getting better?

So, just like my psychologist said yesterday, what a big change. Now that I see it, these last two weeks have been like a rollercoaster of everything. I'm really happy some days and other days I'm not but lately I've been keeping myself busy and, oh my fucking god, that helps a lot. I started working yesterday, service industry sucks, wanted to choke a couple persons but I just laughed about it in my head, I guess that's better right? Had a good interview yesterday morning as well, and oh well, things are looking positive and I start to see finally a light at the end of the tunnel.

Also, my psychologist said, that I like women that treat me like shit, guess it all comes with the adrenaline junkie that I am. I don't enjoy easy things, I like to feel the thrill and the adrenaline of everything. Of women making me chase them. Keeping me on my toes, making me call them and not them calling me. I mean I enjoy when they're nice and treat me back good but if it becomes too easy I get bored and want to follow on. Guess that is what happened in the military as well, it was becoming too easy, I started getting bored, didn't see anywhere to grow up or anything.

I like to learn, I like to improve myself every day. I wish I had more tools aka money to do it. Anybody want to sponsor me getting a skydiving license? I promise you, you'll jump for free with me for the rest of your life or well, being more realistic, for the rest of mine. The way that I live life I don't think I will make it too long in this world but also I like that. I don't want to end up in a foster home, not being able to do my workouts, not being able to do everything by myself. Do you want somebody wiping your ass? Unless it's my life partner maybe, and that is still a maybe.  Also, something that motivated me was this quote: "It never gets easier, you just get better". I'm probably getting better at dealing with life issues, at dealing with myself, at realizing I don't have it easy but I will find a way to make it easy and kick ass. Because you know what, I have the fucking motivation, I know what I want, I'm working on the means to achieve it and I'll make it.

Oh, I also think I'm a narcissist and I blame it on my mother. Is that also narcissist on my part? And also I just did one of those online quiz, I got 34, out of 40. If you get above 20 you're a narcissist, so there you go. I mean, I care about other people, especially about her. I care more about her than I care about myself because I feel when she's happy I'm happy.

I suck at moving on.

Have a nice fucking weekend.

And here it goes again, remember, it doesn't get easier, you just get better.

Can you fix somebody?

So, here I am. Texas. Fort Worth to be exact. I like it, I love the city. I was supposed to be in College Station but oh well, shit happens right? That's what they say right? Well, how much fucking shit can happen to you? I don't know but I've been getting a lot lately. I'm glad is just like a phrase because if not I would be disgusting by now.

So, here it goes. My girlfriend or ex-girlfriend, I don't even know anymore. We drive from NC to TX, and like I said in my last post it was an awesome roadtrip. I fell in love more and more every minute we spent together. She's the worst co-pilot ever by the way. But alright, I get down here, I was supposed to stay with my cousin in Dallas and then we got in a fight so I ended up with my other cousin in Fort Worth and well, it is what it is but I actually like the place a lot. Not his place, well his place is cool but is a one bedroom apartment so I'm sleeping on a small ass couch. So, well the VA department fucked me over and my school benefits haven't been delivered to the school, so unless somebody can spare a bunch of cash I can't start there right now so I decided to stay here in Fort Worth for a little bit. Well, that happened, then my girlfriend or ex or whatever, yeah she, decided finally that a long distance relationship wasn't going to work. Should've seen that coming but my stupid head was too blinded by love. I still love her to dead, is there something wrong with me? Where's the guy that was an asshole and could get over anybody easy as fuck. Well, karma is a bitch right? Payback. But it could be worse, I could be fat, bald and ugly. And I got a $5 check in the mail, at least I got that going on for me. I applied to a couple jobs around here, so I'm not a broke college student.

I don't know what to type anymore, I don't even know if you guys really read this or just scroll through.

Well fuck it, also, I started seeing a psychologist today, she said I was a hot mess and that she was going to fix me and then that got me thinking: "CAN I BE FUCKING FIXED?"

Also, what do you guys think about conditional and unconditional love? Are people too selfish these days?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you