Fuck traveling like a local.

After a day of dealing with Thai people at the bus station, on a bus that was supposed to be at 8.30am that suddenly got cancelled, why? I don’t fucking know. But ended up on a minivan all the way to Trat that is like an hour away from the Cambodian border, right now I’m on another minivan from Trat to the border. Will I make it to Sihanoukville tonight? Fuck I don’t know, I don’t even know how you make it after crossing the border. 

I have like no money, don’t even know how I will pay for the ferry tomorrow, I’ll find a way, hopefully… I have good friends in Koh Rong and I’m sure they would never let me down. 

So, I crossed the border, sitting in a private taxi right now driven by a 20 year old Cambodian kid with 2 older ladies sitting in the back. So, yeah, the border. Thank god I have a diplomatic passport, instead of charging me $37 dollars I only paid $17 and they also gave me a 3 month visa, WTF Cambodia, you’re fucking awesome. Of course, after crossing the border, first of all it’s pouring down, so I wanted to hitchhike but it was 7pm when I crossed and raining so… nope. This taxi kid wanted $70 dollars, WTF, I ended up just paying $20. So at the end of the day I ended paying almost what you pay for the bus all the way from Sihanoukville to Bangkok but oh well, another crazy experience to tell. 

Bangkok was pretty fun though, I think this is the time I finally liked it. A couple different reasons, well I arrived on the train with really short money, then I hate asking for money but this beautiful dutch girl helped me with some and then I met up with my friend, well my “friend”. We met through tinder around 1 month and a half ago but we never met in person until when I arrived in Bangkok. Gorgeous Canadian girl that teaches english to kids and hates kids haha, oh and awesome in bed also, so I think that’s why I had such a good time. Stayed at her place, had an amazing time with her and then last night some friends from Mexico arrived so I got to see them, I don't know if I will see them again but we had a really fun night. Kinda regret it this morning because I was fucking hungover as hell on the minivans. Damn you 20 baht shots (less than a dollar). 

Well, tomorrow I should be back in Koh Rong, where it feels like “home”. Most of my friends are still there so I'm pretty excited about that. It’s rainy season but fuck it, I don't even have a phone, no camera anymore, just my computer and fuck no, it won't get wet. I'm fucking starving, this kid is playing awful Cambodian music and my headphones only work in one side haha. Thanks Canada… well, at least she gave me headphones, better these ones that only work in one side than the other ones that don't even work.

I've been thinking a lot these last couple weeks that I think I’m almost done with traveling, would like to settle somewhere for a while and learn something, like university or get a good job somewhere else. I'm not going back to the States or Mexico, fuck that. 

So, I need to figure out a plan. There’s a couple options so need to pick one but also I'm meeting somebody really special in less than a month so we'll see how things go with her. That’s pretty much the only “appointment” I have right now. Really looking forward to it but also a little bit scared. I think I learned my lesson, be completely fucking honest since the moment that you feel something different with somebody. Fuck it. I'm pretty honest with everybody else but not a lot with girls because I don't want to hurt them. 

Made to Sihanoukville, high as fuck because some Israelis. And sleeping in a hostel, I hate hostels but actually this bed is pretty comfortable. Still, I want to sleep naked.

Fuck you little William.

Was it a mistake? Or just a life lesson? I prefer to take the second one. I don’t think anything we do is a mistake, I think it’s just a life lesson. Sometimes we repeat it, I’ve repeated the same fucking mistake a thousand times and I still keep doing it. When will I learn from it? Hopefully before it kills me. 

I left the beautiful island of Koh Rong, Cambodia, just for a girl. A girl that I knew for only 5 days and all the time we spent together was a mixture of drugs, alcohol and sex. I left friends for her. Yeah, I’m a cunt. I should’ve never left, but whatever, I’m on my way back now. 

I did learn from this. Learn to stop thinking with my lower head and use more my heart. I thought that I was using my heart in this one but no, after 3, 4 days of being together I should’ve left. But I didn’t and then I met some amazing people so, yeah, bad things, good things, whatever. I’m on my way back to Koh Rong now, with no money in my pocket, back to work at the bar and probably not even able to afford where to sleep so back into the fucking hammock. 

I’ll find a way, I always do. That’s something I’ve always been good at, finding a way around things and how to get myself out of deep shit. Sometimes it’s hurting and affecting other people. Well, sometimes, not really, probably a lot of times, I’d say 50/50. 

Sitting on train right now on my way to Bangkok, my visa expires tomorrow so if I don’t make it out of the country tomorrow I’ll have to pay 500 baht and I don’t think I really have it. 

But oh well, it’s also my fucking fault, I should’ve left 2, 3 days ago but there you go again. Thinking with the lower head. My penis is going to eventually kill me or get me in a really good situation, one of those 2 this motherfucker will do. 

 On the bright side, it’s beautiful as fuck outside, the train is really comfortable, especially comparing to being on the bus and oh, it was cheaper. 

Well, the girl from last night, California girl and also my first “Asian” I would say, she only had an Asian face but oh well, she’s got the heritage so it counts right? Haha. 

She kept telling me that I have the coolest life of all. I don’t really know, I have no job, I’m 25 traveling around South East Asia still and sleeping around with random girls from all over. I’m really picky so at least they’re hot girls. Yeah, I’m an asshole but fuck you it’s my blog and I write whatever I want. 

So fuck my stupid penis, got me in deep shit again. Oh and the fucker got a tantric massage yesterday, still spoiling the little bastard…

And now me and the little fucker just arrive in Bangkok, no hostel, no internet, no money and visa expires tomorrow. This shall be fun. 

Thailand Update.

Hey everybody!!

It’s been quite a while since I write for you guys but that could just mean 2 things, I’m either dead or I’ve been having a blast. A crazy blast pretty much. This country is fucking nuts. It reminds a lot of Mexico back in the 90’s, you can do anything, get anything you want as long as you have money in your pocket. Viagra, valium, cialis, morphine, any fucking drug you want you can get it. I’m not into anything but if I were I would be a really happy addict here. So my trip started in Bangkok, arrived to the airport and everything seem pretty normal, just a regular airport, of course with a lot, A LOT more Asian people. Took the train and made it to the hostel, as I was walking on the street to the hostel there’s a lot of bars with a lot of Thai girls, this was around 11am by the way, and all of them try to grab you and convince you to come into their bar. I went to the hostel, dropped my bag, took a quick shower and head to get some food and a beer. So there it goes, the lost westerner walking into one of those bars full of Thai girls, one comes and sits next to me, trying to make chat on me and of course she wanted me to buy her a drink, I was like fuck that. Ended up getting horrible food and paying a lot for it, now that I know I could’ve paid a 1/5^th of that for a lot better meal and with no uncomfortable company.

Well, I spent a couple days in Bangkok, had my share of fun with the backpacking girls, then met this cool ass Canadian guy from Quebec and went to an island called Koh Phan Ngan in the gulf of Thailand in the southeast. I spent a couple days there just meeting more people, more backpacking girls, having my share of fun, driving a scooter around the island, seeing beautiful beaches and also bitches haha. There was a full moon party there that it was like spring break in Cancun but 10x better and crazier. Then from there I was supposed to travel with this 3 Dutch girls and one German girl, well the German girl liked me but I liked her Dutch friend and lets just say I’m in another island now with the Dutch girls and no German girl. Kinda fucked up but oh well, you all now I’m not a really nice guy sometimes. So, I’m in Koh Tao now, another island around an hour away from the other one with the Dutch girls and from here I’ll be traveling with the Dutch girl. We’ll see how that goes. 

All I’ve learned from this trip till right now is you have to look for what makes you happy, you, not anybody else and I can say I’m pretty fucking happy right now. Still got some stuff I need to take care of back in the States but honestly I don’t even know if I want to ever comeback, I’m pretty happy here in my bungalow with the ocean outside of my door sleeping next to a pretty Dutch girl.

Oh, she loves sex as much as I do as well.

Here we go....

According to the flying map in the computer I have around 3 hours left till I land in Bangkok, its been a relax and nice trip, first flight to Chicago I just work on filling my IPod with new music, chit chatted with this girl that just graduated from art school and omg, she can draw, she was doing the drawing of a man face and it was amazingly stunning to the eye. Second flight from Chicago to Abu Dhabi was an eye opener, that’s when it hit me that I’m going to a complete totally different place. A lot of Muslims in the plane. Guy sitting next to me was a Muslim from Abu Dhabi and he was pretty cool, had some issues understanding his broken English but I guess that’s how some Americans feel with me.

Oh, here’s the best part of this last couple weeks, I met somebody, yeah, right before I left Fort Worth, bummer right? But that just gives me a reason to come back! She’s 24, loves doing yoga, is working on her masters and she is so beautiful, has an amazing body and a great personality. She’s super shy sometimes but then she opens up and both personalities are amazing. 2 days after knowing her I already told her I love you and she said it back. Do you think you can love somebody in such a short amount of time? I think you can, it’s a different kind of love that the one a couple that have been married for years have but it’s still something coming from the heart. She makes me laugh and smile all day and makes me want to be a better man; I always look for somebody that makes me want to be a better person.

I was originally doing this trip to comeback as a better person just for myself but if I’m a better person there for I should enjoy somebody like that next to me and I think that’s her. Oh people, also, tip for you all, FLY ALWAYS ON ETIHAD AIRWAYS, two words for you… open motherfucking bar. Dewar’s, Red Wine, Heineken, Whiskey, Vodka, 14 hour flight? Let’s put some booze in it and make it a good one haha.

Recap

A recap as explain by google is pretty much a summary.

So, what's going on with my life right now?

I'm pretty much just waiting to get my ass out of the country. Just working, working out and going out. A lot of people would be like, damn that's the life but unfortunately for me it's not. I would love to be in school, learning about anything. Or traveling, and that's why I'm so anxious about this trip.

I read the other day this article about choose your shit sandwich, it helped me a lot. The thing is I don't even know what kind of shit I would like to put in a sandwich. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Most people don't but at least they kinda do, they kinda have a direction or somebody that tells them what to do. I don't fucking know what I want in life. Honestly I'll settle myself right now with a good group of friends, a good girlfriend, well that's debatable, I should just stay single and keep having fun around. Or get into a relationship? Told you guys that I don't fucking know what to do.

So, 15 days, 15 days and I will be flying to Chicago and then out of the country. I can't believe I'm doing this.

In the meanwhile, I guess I'll just live my simple life some people envy and have fun with the fort worth girls, that by the way, are really cute. I mean, all I knew of American women was of military towns, where there was a bunch of guys just like me. Here, rarely, rarely, are guys like me So that works in my advantage ;)

Have a nice fucking day, don't kill yourself, try to smile, trust me every time somebody smiles or I see a picture of somebody smiling on facebook, instagram or any kind of fucking social media that makes us anti-social, it makes me smile.

Would you date yourself?

I just read an article with that title, would I date myself? I don't know, I don't really know. I mean I'm a nice guy, I treat women with all the respect in the world. I pay for dinner or movie tickets or whatever. But I do have dark issues. I'm not happy with my life. So, I don't know, some girls tell me I'm a good catch but I don't like those girls, maybe because they're too nice to me. And here we go back to the whole thing about me liking girls that treat me like crap.

My ex apparently is seeing somebody else. That's good because that will finally help me to get over her, her late texts saying I miss you were just killing me softly. I do want to keep in touch with her just because of the crazy things we did and the bond we created.

So, this week, I'll be buying my ticket to Thailand. I can't believe I'm doing this. One way ticket. This is going to be a crazy experience. I've been thinking about ways I can make money when I'm over there and I'm thinking about starting a website. Talking about travel experiences, about everything. Just documenting my day to day living in different countries.

I've been trying to be happy by myself and it's so hard. I hate being alone with my own thoughts and feelings, they scare the fuck out of me. Oh, I also twisted my fucking ankle yesterday at a music festival, so there goes my happiness, working out makes me happy and I'm here with a twisted ankle, oh well, at least it's not broken like the last time.

Fear.

I was at the gym the other day and I put this random playlist with the tags: workout and motivation together. And this speech came through, called fear. It got me moving and I've been listening to it on repeat since that day. Fear is the most subtle and destructive of all human diseases. That's the opening line pretty much.

To resume it to you guys is pretty much, fear hold us back. A little example about it, I talked with a bartender yesterday and mentioned to him that I'm going to Thailand next month, that I'm moving over there. He said do it, he said that he wished that when he was my age he would've done it. But that he has normally being a pussy on doing things like that. Now he has a kid that holds him back, even though he told me it's the best thing that has ever happened to him. And it's not that he's a pussy, it's because he's scared of what would happen if he decides to move on and follow his dreams.

A lot of us are scared to follow our dreams, our heart, because of fear, lack of self-esteem, if we are scared of moving to bigger and better we will never find out what will happen.
Some people and friends think that I'm moving to Thailand because I'm running away from my problems, from this broken heart, from her. I'm not. That's all I have to say. I'll actually be better financially and hopefully I will find happiness and peace of mind. I have to learn to be happy with myself, but still at the end of the day we are humans, we're social creatures, we need companionship to survive.

Well, I should be leaving around the 15th.