Finally...

This is it. I’m meeting her, finally after so many months. I feel happy, is this happiness? I’m really looking forward to seeing her and spending time with her. Damn, finally a happy post right? I’m sober, well about to get a beer in the airplane. 

I have a couple of stories for you guys because I’ve been realizing I haven’t tell you guys a lot about my stories. So, when I went to Koh Phangan to meet that English girl that treated me like crap and never really appreciated anything. That just wanted to fuck like once a day. Sorry if you’re reading this but you did hurt me. I did care about you and wanted to have a great month which ended up in, I was going to say regret but ended up being a lesson well learned. I know it was my fault when I fucked up her scooter but it was also because we were angry at each other driving the bike drunk and angry under the rain with no light is no good. 

But whatever, so when the full moon party was and I came back at like 5 AM I was still going, I wanted to keep partying so I walked around the hostel where I would spend most of the time. Yeah, I like private rooms so I can have sex that’s pretty much is the main reason, because I hate being alone. I love being around people and being the center of attention. Still, I care a lot about people and I love helping people out. I’m better at giving advice than listening to it. Yeah, I’m a dumbs but I have this feeling today. Woke up with excitement, slight hangover but with excitement of seeing her. Of holding her in my arms. 

Anyway, sorry for getting out of context, I normally do that, but yeah went back to that hostel and wanted to keep going so I heard music coming out of a room. I go in and there’s 2 guys chilling drinking and I asked them if they wanted to go back to the full moon party and one of them is fuck yeah, amazing Canadian/Iranian boy, 22 years old and cool as fuck. We got on my scooter and drove back to the full moon party with this huge Mexican Sombrero that I got from some Mexicans in Koh Rong, Cambodia. So there we go on the scooter, make it to the party, ran into a couple friends and had a great time, then we rode back to see Pacquiao and Mayweather fight, it was like 8am and my body just gave up and I passed out. Well, that’s when I met this boy, I literally consider him like a little brother or just like a younger best friend. Is like you just get this really nice bond with some people and I totally got it with him. 

After my accident in Koh Rong, when I went to Sihanoukville, the day I decided to come back, that I shouldn’t had because it was raining like a motherfucker but I was like fuck it, it’s Saturday, coolest party of the week in Koh Rong, I have to make it back. So, I get out of my hotel and there he is, buying a boat ticket. Fuck, I couldn’t even remember his name, I suck at remembering names but there he was, happy as fuck to see me. So, I’m like fuck it, It’s a signal, lets go to Koh Rong and then this cool Mexican guy joined us as well. 

For all of you that haven’t been to South East Asia, Cambodia or even Koh Rong. Well, Normally takes on the speed ferry around 1 hour and a 15 mins to make it to Koh Rong, the ferry makes a stop in another small island next to it and then from there is just like 20 mins. So, we are on the boat, is fucking choppy/wavy as hell. Water getting on the boat, By this time we had a group of 5, 2 cool Israeli guys, the Mexican, my Canadian boy and myself, all going to Koh Rong, all the other people were going to the other small island. A lot more chill, but anyway, water everywhere, we’re all getting wet, boat jumping like crazy, I seriously thought we were going to sank and then the boat stops and the driver says we’re going back to the main land. I was like fuck, I really want to make it to the party but whatever, we have a good group, we’ll make it nice wherever we are. And then on the way back, again, boat stops, then they say we’re switching to a bigger boat and you guys are still going, we’re in the middle of the ocean and the other boat arrives, they switch us right in the middle of the ocean to the other boat and then right before the first boat leaves, the driver from that one tells us, oh by the way, whoever is going to Koh Rong the boat is stopping in Koh Rong Samloem and from there you have to figure it out and as soon as I’m going to ask him WTF he leaves. I was like fuck, fuck it. I’ll make it, I tell the guys, we’ll make it, don’t worry, I got this shit. So we make it to Samloem and there’s people there that want to go to the party as well so we have a group of around 15 - 18 by then. There’s no boats going but the supply boat that stops in a shit ton of piers so fuck it, we get on it. Big old boat full of supplies in the lower deck and we get on the top deck. We have weed, beers, music. Fuck it, it’s been a crazy trip, lets make it good now. So we make it to Koh Rong, the supply boat at the end was fucking rough but we made it, another crazy story with my Canadian boy. 

So, he leaves Koh Rong, then when I leave I meet him in Kampot, a chill out fishing village like 2 hours away. The night we met we decide we’re going out, so me and this Canadian girl get on a Tuk Tuk (google it if you don’t know what it is) and my Canadian boy is following us, not even 5 mins in the fucking Tuk Tuk and this drunk ass westerner, I can almost swear he was English, comes driving in his scooter drunk as fuck and fast straight into us, I literally saw it in slow motion, put my right hand on the poor Canadian girl and we crash. The guy fucking flew away, his scooter destroyed to pieces, smashed. She gets of the Tuk Tuk, I see her walking so I know she’s alright, I see the guy in the floor, check his pupils, they’re moving so he’s not dead and as soon as I want to go check on the Tuk Tuk driver he fucking rides away, with my sombrero and her backpack in it. Poor guy, wasn’t even his fault and he got so scared that he left. So I scream at my Canadian boy, my sombrero! And then we fucking get on the bike chasing him. We lost him, is his town so he knows the roads better. I was like fuck it, it’s gone, the fucking sombrero is gone. We go back, I take the Canadian girl back to the hostel because she’s having a fucking panic attack, she thought the guy was dead because there was oil and water on the floor and she thought it was blood. So, as soon as I’m about to leave the hostel to have a drink with my Canadian boy another Tuk Tuk arrives with my sombrero and her backpack, fuck yeah. After that we just had a nice night of drinks and fun. Always crazy stories with him, love this kid. 

But whatever, yeah, I’m looking forward to today, in 2 hours I will be holding her in my arms giving her a kiss. I can’t believe it. I’ve been feeling so positive today, reading Steven Adler autobiography, fuck yeah, amazing book. Must read list for all of you that haven’t read it and if you don’t read you should start doing it. It will expand your mind just like traveling.

That’s the thing about traveling, it expands your mind to a point that you cannot bring it back to how it was, changes you completely and opens you to the world, to so many different cultures. It is fucking awesome. 

Well, it might be a while till I write sad posts, hopefully. I’m just going to be positive about this. A lot of people that know say I’m going to get bored fast, that I can’t handle just being with one person. Well, it can always be different. Lets be positive as fuck on this and hope the best of it for both of us. 

I love life right now so I’m glad I haven’t died/killed myself. 

Oh, and Canadian girl, I know you’re reading this. Please please please take care of yourself. I know it’s fun to live life to the limit, but at least have a little bit of common sense, you’re a beautiful person inside and outside, sorry for my stupid jokes but I opened up to you a lot because I saw myself in you, and you’re still pretty young to don’t make the same mistakes I did.

Always remember to Carpe the fucking Diem.

https://www.facebook.com/captainmistakes

Answers.

Last day, last couple hours. I don't even know if I'm coming back or not. Fuck. I feel hungover as shit, stitches are off so I guess that’s good. It’s time to move. Can’t handle this island anymore. It’s becoming just a drinking place, getting wasted everyday. 

It’s not fun when it becomes a lifestyle and it has gotten me a lot of times before. 

I don’t know what to do, where to go. The only thing I know it is that I made a promise and I’m really looking forward to seeing her. Even though it kinda scares me how things will turn out when we see each other. But I’m being positive and really looking forward to it. 

This hangover has been the worst one ever in this travels. Haven’t had one like this in years. Just had the first food of all day. Puking my guts out all day. Laying in bed on the other side already missing so much everybody but have to move forward just like everybody there will. 

Are we supposed to know what we want in life? Why is it so hard to don’t have a direction? Is there supposed to be answers to all this questions? 


Please smile, I always try to even if I feel like shit inside. At least you could make someone's day.


https://www.facebook.com/captainmistakes

Fucking lessons.

I'm listening to the same song that Swedish girl I met in Bali told me about, touch me I'm going to scream part II, by My Morning Jacket. I love that song. Might be because it’s so downer or depressing, I don't fucking know. Whatever. I can’t fucking learn my lesson. 

Keep falling for the same kind of girls. Why the fuck I crave affection so bad. Why the fuck I want to be hold, fall asleep next to a girl, cuddling her, hugging her, feeling her. Why? Why? 

It’s 11.06pm, did a booze cruise today and instead of it being a happy history I’m actually not happy about it. Had a good time, drank lots of alcohol and saw beautiful beaches. The thing is like I did with “friends” people that probably won’t remember or care about me as soon as they go back to their countries. That’s why it’s really hard to make friends traveling, you don’t really know if they’re friends for life because that’s what they normally say. Yeah man, I’ll be there for you forever. What does that even mean? 

Fuck everything. 

I just really hope the Welsh girl is by my side when I wake up. She’s fucking adorable but still, feelings in public, oh no. Cares too much about what other people think. 

My wound is almost healed up by the way in case anybody is wondering. 

Carpe diem I guess...

https://www.facebook.com/captainmistakes

Fuck it

Yeah fuck it, decided to open up a little bit more. Still will remain anonymous, it's mostly to don't hurt people.


https://www.facebook.com/captainmistakes

Again seriously?

it’s 10-17 AM, I’m laying in bed, almost unable to use my right arm, WTF happened last night, I can remember most of it, I have around 15 to 17 stitches in my chest, I feel that I’m in really still strong pain killers. I remember I was in the bar on my way to the restroom to pee and then I suddenly felt into the ocean, I don’t know if I cut myself with a wooden board or with the boat propellers, after that my friends pulled me out of the water and suddenly I was in the island nursery surrounded by my friends, nurses, doctors, police, military, the owner of the bar where I “work”, the sweet khmer boy that works with us, blood all over me, shaking like crazy, they start stitching me up, it hurts like crazy. I can handle pain very well, physical pain but this was mostly a pain of if I want to be there and alive or I would’ve prefer to just died in the water at the moment I fell down. Cops start asking questions, what happened, somebody pushed you? How did you end up like this? Where’s your passport? What’s your passport number? Fuck them. I’ll help the people that’s trying to help me, the paramedics, the doctors, especially most of all my friends, One of them came to check on me and ask me if I needed some food and brought me some. Keeps impressing me that a lot of people that care about you it’s not people you grew up with, it’s people that you have only spend hours, days, weeks, months with them and that’s it. They’ll help you in whatever way they can. It’s an international family.

I wish I was dead right now and didn't have to deal with all that’s coming from this. At least I got this girl to look forward to, 19 days and we will be together. I just don't want to fuck it up. And then after her what? She will be gone back to The Netherlands and what will I do? What if it doesn’t work? Why am I so stupid and fucked up that I can’t never learn from my mistakes and keep running away from them. 

I wish this was a fucking novel but no, it’s my real life, it’s what I deal with everyday. I’m an alcoholic, addicted to women, to drugs, to pushing my body to the limit. 

I do have friends, they’re figuring out a way of helping me out of this one, they're sending me to the mainland tomorrow to a proper hospital so I can get real stitches, not fucking fishing cord.

One of them is in the corner of my bed cutting MDMA so we can sell and make some money to pay for whatever the medical bills will be. I have to stop with this death wish I think I have. 

Analyze

I’m back. Back in fucking Koh Rong. Staying in the same place I did before. Mostly everybody is gone or about to leave, why am I staying? Well, I met this English girl… yeah I said no more English girls but this one is different, I hope so. I really do. I like her. She like fills me up. I get just like this sense that you all call happiness every-time I see her. I love her. 

Am I fucked up? Like do I have issues in my head for real or is this normal for everybody my age that travels. Like I’ve met so many travelers that have the same problems like me. 

How fast can you tell somebody you love them? I’ve only know her for like 2 days and my feelings for her are crazy. I crave her, I want her, I’m in love with her. 

I should stop sharing this. I think it’s hurting people because I’m so honest. 

Wrote this high and drunk. 

Fuck traveling like a local.

After a day of dealing with Thai people at the bus station, on a bus that was supposed to be at 8.30am that suddenly got cancelled, why? I don’t fucking know. But ended up on a minivan all the way to Trat that is like an hour away from the Cambodian border, right now I’m on another minivan from Trat to the border. Will I make it to Sihanoukville tonight? Fuck I don’t know, I don’t even know how you make it after crossing the border. 

I have like no money, don’t even know how I will pay for the ferry tomorrow, I’ll find a way, hopefully… I have good friends in Koh Rong and I’m sure they would never let me down. 

So, I crossed the border, sitting in a private taxi right now driven by a 20 year old Cambodian kid with 2 older ladies sitting in the back. So, yeah, the border. Thank god I have a diplomatic passport, instead of charging me $37 dollars I only paid $17 and they also gave me a 3 month visa, WTF Cambodia, you’re fucking awesome. Of course, after crossing the border, first of all it’s pouring down, so I wanted to hitchhike but it was 7pm when I crossed and raining so… nope. This taxi kid wanted $70 dollars, WTF, I ended up just paying $20. So at the end of the day I ended paying almost what you pay for the bus all the way from Sihanoukville to Bangkok but oh well, another crazy experience to tell. 

Bangkok was pretty fun though, I think this is the time I finally liked it. A couple different reasons, well I arrived on the train with really short money, then I hate asking for money but this beautiful dutch girl helped me with some and then I met up with my friend, well my “friend”. We met through tinder around 1 month and a half ago but we never met in person until when I arrived in Bangkok. Gorgeous Canadian girl that teaches english to kids and hates kids haha, oh and awesome in bed also, so I think that’s why I had such a good time. Stayed at her place, had an amazing time with her and then last night some friends from Mexico arrived so I got to see them, I don't know if I will see them again but we had a really fun night. Kinda regret it this morning because I was fucking hungover as hell on the minivans. Damn you 20 baht shots (less than a dollar). 

Well, tomorrow I should be back in Koh Rong, where it feels like “home”. Most of my friends are still there so I'm pretty excited about that. It’s rainy season but fuck it, I don't even have a phone, no camera anymore, just my computer and fuck no, it won't get wet. I'm fucking starving, this kid is playing awful Cambodian music and my headphones only work in one side haha. Thanks Canada… well, at least she gave me headphones, better these ones that only work in one side than the other ones that don't even work.

I've been thinking a lot these last couple weeks that I think I’m almost done with traveling, would like to settle somewhere for a while and learn something, like university or get a good job somewhere else. I'm not going back to the States or Mexico, fuck that. 

So, I need to figure out a plan. There’s a couple options so need to pick one but also I'm meeting somebody really special in less than a month so we'll see how things go with her. That’s pretty much the only “appointment” I have right now. Really looking forward to it but also a little bit scared. I think I learned my lesson, be completely fucking honest since the moment that you feel something different with somebody. Fuck it. I'm pretty honest with everybody else but not a lot with girls because I don't want to hurt them. 

Made to Sihanoukville, high as fuck because some Israelis. And sleeping in a hostel, I hate hostels but actually this bed is pretty comfortable. Still, I want to sleep naked.

Fuck you little William.

Was it a mistake? Or just a life lesson? I prefer to take the second one. I don’t think anything we do is a mistake, I think it’s just a life lesson. Sometimes we repeat it, I’ve repeated the same fucking mistake a thousand times and I still keep doing it. When will I learn from it? Hopefully before it kills me. 

I left the beautiful island of Koh Rong, Cambodia, just for a girl. A girl that I knew for only 5 days and all the time we spent together was a mixture of drugs, alcohol and sex. I left friends for her. Yeah, I’m a cunt. I should’ve never left, but whatever, I’m on my way back now. 

I did learn from this. Learn to stop thinking with my lower head and use more my heart. I thought that I was using my heart in this one but no, after 3, 4 days of being together I should’ve left. But I didn’t and then I met some amazing people so, yeah, bad things, good things, whatever. I’m on my way back to Koh Rong now, with no money in my pocket, back to work at the bar and probably not even able to afford where to sleep so back into the fucking hammock. 

I’ll find a way, I always do. That’s something I’ve always been good at, finding a way around things and how to get myself out of deep shit. Sometimes it’s hurting and affecting other people. Well, sometimes, not really, probably a lot of times, I’d say 50/50. 

Sitting on train right now on my way to Bangkok, my visa expires tomorrow so if I don’t make it out of the country tomorrow I’ll have to pay 500 baht and I don’t think I really have it. 

But oh well, it’s also my fucking fault, I should’ve left 2, 3 days ago but there you go again. Thinking with the lower head. My penis is going to eventually kill me or get me in a really good situation, one of those 2 this motherfucker will do. 

 On the bright side, it’s beautiful as fuck outside, the train is really comfortable, especially comparing to being on the bus and oh, it was cheaper. 

Well, the girl from last night, California girl and also my first “Asian” I would say, she only had an Asian face but oh well, she’s got the heritage so it counts right? Haha. 

She kept telling me that I have the coolest life of all. I don’t really know, I have no job, I’m 25 traveling around South East Asia still and sleeping around with random girls from all over. I’m really picky so at least they’re hot girls. Yeah, I’m an asshole but fuck you it’s my blog and I write whatever I want. 

So fuck my stupid penis, got me in deep shit again. Oh and the fucker got a tantric massage yesterday, still spoiling the little bastard…

And now me and the little fucker just arrive in Bangkok, no hostel, no internet, no money and visa expires tomorrow. This shall be fun. 

Highness.

I wrote this about 4 days ago, I was debating about posting or not but fuck it.

It was one of the last nights in Koh Rong, until I come back of course.

Enjoy my highness:

Lets see how this goes; I’m pretty high on a lot of drugs at this moment with a cigarette in my mouth. Ketamine, MDMA, Weed, alcohol. I'm totally sure if there had been more drugs around I would’ve taken them. Am I a drug addict or just somebody that’s travelling and experiencing new stuff?

It’s been what? A month? Two? Three? This island is amazing, you create like a little family, one that actually cares more about you than the one you have back “home”. Everybody might be drunk or fucked on drugs most of the time but at least in a little part of their brain you are part of them.

This is fucking awesome; I'm literally sitting on the floor in my room whilst my Canadian and the New Yorker are passed out in my bed.

What the fuck am I listening to? Oh Led Zeppelin, now I see why you were so big. It’s fucking awesome music when you're high.

I always get asked if I’m going back home, that’s a hard question. I don't fucking know where home is. It’s a little bit sad, yeah, it is. Most of you are used to seeing your parents, close friends, siblings, like pretty often. I’m not. I don't even know if my older siblings consider me a sibling, like if somebody asks them how many siblings they got if they would consider me or how do they mention me.

Fuck that sad shit. I just saw the fucking sunrise in a beautiful island in Cambodia surrounded by fucked up people just like me. People that are running away from shit from their countries. There’s a reason why like jobs in places like this and why we agree to get paid with accommodation, food and the big one that’s the big spender for us: ALCOHOL. Or drugs, they pay with weed in some places but still that’s how they keep us.

I was talking to a girl today and it literally felt like I was in the book 1984 and she was part of the proles, because that’s how close minded she was.

Living in “Paradise”?

So, through my travels now I've decided, well, kinda had to stay in this island in Cambodia, Koh Rong is the name. I’m working in a bar, again, yeah I know. That’s the reason I had to leave Vang Vieng but trust me I was drinking a lot more there than here and here you actually have regular shifts at the bar, you can only have so many drinks so it’s a lot more controlled. I'll be saving some money, living in an island that’s so far by now the most beautiful place I've ever seen, meeting so many people, especially girls. I don’t know, my big question is will this be good? To settle down for some time? I was able to do it at Pai in Thailand but it was different because there’s a lot more stuff to do there so I kept myself busy over there, here there’s not a lot to do but lay on the beach, go swimming and that’s pretty much it unless you want to spend money on boat trips and things like that. Well, yesterday was my first day working so we'll see how it goes after a couple days.