Am I getting better?

So, just like my psychologist said yesterday, what a big change. Now that I see it, these last two weeks have been like a rollercoaster of everything. I'm really happy some days and other days I'm not but lately I've been keeping myself busy and, oh my fucking god, that helps a lot. I started working yesterday, service industry sucks, wanted to choke a couple persons but I just laughed about it in my head, I guess that's better right? Had a good interview yesterday morning as well, and oh well, things are looking positive and I start to see finally a light at the end of the tunnel.

Also, my psychologist said, that I like women that treat me like shit, guess it all comes with the adrenaline junkie that I am. I don't enjoy easy things, I like to feel the thrill and the adrenaline of everything. Of women making me chase them. Keeping me on my toes, making me call them and not them calling me. I mean I enjoy when they're nice and treat me back good but if it becomes too easy I get bored and want to follow on. Guess that is what happened in the military as well, it was becoming too easy, I started getting bored, didn't see anywhere to grow up or anything.

I like to learn, I like to improve myself every day. I wish I had more tools aka money to do it. Anybody want to sponsor me getting a skydiving license? I promise you, you'll jump for free with me for the rest of your life or well, being more realistic, for the rest of mine. The way that I live life I don't think I will make it too long in this world but also I like that. I don't want to end up in a foster home, not being able to do my workouts, not being able to do everything by myself. Do you want somebody wiping your ass? Unless it's my life partner maybe, and that is still a maybe.  Also, something that motivated me was this quote: "It never gets easier, you just get better". I'm probably getting better at dealing with life issues, at dealing with myself, at realizing I don't have it easy but I will find a way to make it easy and kick ass. Because you know what, I have the fucking motivation, I know what I want, I'm working on the means to achieve it and I'll make it.

Oh, I also think I'm a narcissist and I blame it on my mother. Is that also narcissist on my part? And also I just did one of those online quiz, I got 34, out of 40. If you get above 20 you're a narcissist, so there you go. I mean, I care about other people, especially about her. I care more about her than I care about myself because I feel when she's happy I'm happy.

I suck at moving on.

Have a nice fucking weekend.

And here it goes again, remember, it doesn't get easier, you just get better.

Are all men created equal?

Are we all men created equal? Or what defines us? Pretty much I realize that under the effects of a mind modifying substance, whatever it is that you like, we all act the same, react the same ways to certain circumstances, or at least that is how it used to be back when I was a teenager and we weren't so different from each others, at least the people I used to relate to.

After my travels around the world I discovered different people, different societies, and still we are pretty similar to each other under the effects of drugs, alcohol, or just the greatest and oldest drug of all time, women. 

Is it society that defines us? In my poor humble opinion I certainly think it is. I'm not the same I was when I was a teenager, somedays I wish I could go back to those days, but then I think about all the knowledge and experience I've gathered and it would be the dumbest decision to change anything I have lived, of course I have made mistakes, who hasn't, but I try to learn from them, some of them I've totally learned from them, others I keep making them all the time. I guess it's because I haven't learned enough from that mistake.

Just like today, I went running with my significant other, she was kinda moody for a couple reasons, one of them was: "I can't find a good playlist to run", first thing that come to my mind is, are you serious? #firstworldproblems but then anyways we kept going she got moody again, I said fuck it and started running by myself, seconds afterwards she calls me, I wasn't going to answer, but I decided to put my guard down, why? Before I would've said fuck this, but then I realized listening to your brain is good but sometimes you actually have to listen to your heart, that's all I have done with her and I have never been so happy in my life.

Anxiety attacks have been getting worse lately, just the fact about leaving this town and being so far away from her scare me, starting a new life, I always get this crazy anxiety every time I would do a big change in my life, and trust me, I've done quite a few. I'll tell you all about them later on. 

So, well, what I'm saying is, are we all sentimental underneath everything else? Do we put on a mask sometimes to show another person of what we really feel? I'll talk about that later.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.